Persevere, don’t give up, despite setbacks

It is critical that we persevere rather than give up when faced with adversity. How are we going to do that? There are undoubtedly many ways to grow in perseverance. Here are three: cultivating a deep sense of secure attachment with God and others; developing strategies for successful adaptation to challenges such as depression and anxiety; and grow in approaching life through creative maladjustment. This post briefly reflects on all three.

This topic has always been on my mind, especially since my adult son Christopher’s catastrophic brain injury over three years ago. I even thought about it as I read a children’s book to his daughter Jaylah on Thursday afternoon. It is titled, We’re going on a bear hunt.

This classic children’s story is about a family of five and their dog who one day decide to go on a hike in search of a bear. They hardly look good and seem well prepared for the hunt. However, everything happens in appearance.

This small family experiences many challenges along the way, such as “a deep, cold river,” “a swirling, swirling snowstorm,” and “a narrow, gloomy cave.” Every time they encounter a major obstacle, they sing, “We can’t get over it. We can’t go under it. Oh no! We have to get through it.”

My granddaughter Jaylah and I participated in the cross-country venture, adding our voices to the chant as we read. It was a lot of fun, even as I reflected on the laughter about our real life challenges as a family that we have endured over the past three years. It was an unfathomable journey through the wilderness in pursuit of meaningful brain injury recovery with Christopher. We have many deep, cold rivers, swirling, howling blizzards, and dark, treacherous caves to endure in our attempt to reach our destination.

In fictional childhood stories and incredible real-life challenges, there are moments when “We can’t get over it. We can’t go under it. Oh no! We have to get through it.” In light of this, feel free to sing along out loud as you read this post!

How can we prepare for incredible challenges and obstacles along the way? We will not be able to go above or below the rivers, snowstorms and mountainous caves. We’ll have to go through them. Keeping this point in mind, we must be properly dressed and equipped, as well as expertly prepared for the trek. As noted at the beginning of this article, such preparations include: cultivating a secure attachment to God and community; developing successful adaptation strategies; and grows in creative maladjustment. You’ll notice that in the previous sentence I’ve included links to articles where you can think about these topics in depth. Take time to think about these important topics.

Only when we experience loving, secure attachment in relationship to God and others are we able to function in spiritually and emotionally healthy ways. Such secure attachment helps us to successfully adapt and be agile amid the anxiety-inducing depression and anxiety that inevitably arise in our lives due to tragedies and turmoil. Finally, secure attachment and successful adaptation mobilize us to be creatively maladaptive, so that we do not shut down but proactively move forward. Such creative maladjustment leads us to swim against the emotionally turbulent current and not drown. We can make something out of nothing, bring good out of evil, and care empathetically for others so that they too will swim instead of sink.

Instead of shutting down or turning away, we have continued and will continue to do so as a family. Regardless of the obstacles, we can say, “We can’t get over them. We can’t go under it… We have to go through it.’ Secure attachment to God in community, successful adaptation with agility and creative maladjustment are like walking sticks, compasses and energy bars and drinks. They help us persevere rather than give up when faced with setbacks.

Finally, I would like to tell you something about an older man in my son’s care facility. He always asks about Christopher. Yesterday I took Christopher for a walk outside in his wheelchair. When we returned to the facility, we met our older friend sitting in his wheelchair near the entrance. I positioned Christopher’s wheelchair so that they were facing each other.

This precious elderly man faces a multitude of physical and emotional challenges. Such difficulties have prevented him from returning to his loving wife for years. But instead of turning inward and fixating on his struggles, he takes a keen interest in Christopher. An example. At one point in the conversation yesterday, my friend gestured with his good arm and hand as he stared at my son standing across from him, “Come out, Christopher. When you’re ready. No rush. Always. We’re waiting for you… I can’t wait (for you to come out)… You are loved, Christopher. Jesus loves you.” My friend choked back tears as he spoke these precious words.

This older man is one of my greatest teachers. He inspires me to pursue secure attachment with God and others. My friend encourages me to successfully adapt to life’s tragedies, such as depression and anxiety. This friend of Christopher invites us to pursue creative maladjustment to transform our struggles with depression and anxiety into opportunities to care empathetically for others.

The next time Christopher and I go bear hunting, I’ll make sure my older friend comes with us. Don’t let the wheelchair and bad hand fool you. He is well prepared for the impressive rivers, snowstorms and caves that await us during the hunt. Like him, we can persevere in the face of adversity instead of giving up. In the face of every monumental obstacle, we can sing, “We will not go over it.” We’re not going under it. Oh yeah! We have to get through it.” Here’s how to respond to life’s greatest challenges by turning them into adventures in the pursuit of momentous growth.

To read the various posts about our family’s unfathomable journey with TBI, visit this link. Thank you for your prayers and caring thoughts!